What If the Hardest Part About Asking for What You Want…
…is the fear that you might actually get it?
You’ve probably seen that scene in The Notebook—the one that’s now a meme. Ryan Gosling’s character is pleading:
“What do you want?! What do you want?!”
And the woman just looks paralyzed.
I’ve been thinking about that moment a lot. Not just as a coach who works with highly sensitive people—but as a highly sensitive person myself. And what I’ve realized is this:
Asking for what you want is weirdly hard.
And I don’t just mean it’s hard because of boundaries (although boundaries are tricky for many of us). I mean there's something deeper. Something quieter and more nuanced.
It’s not the fear of being rejected.
It’s the fear that I’ll ask for what I want… and actually get it.
What If Getting It Isn't What You Needed?
This fear runs deep in sensitive folks. Because we’re wired to think in complexity. We imagine all the consequences, ripple effects, and “what ifs.” We’re very aware that the version of ourselves who wants something may not be the version who ends up receiving it.
Let’s say I want a million dollars (who doesn’t?). But what if the version of me who gets that million doesn’t even need it anymore? What if what I thought I wanted… isn’t actually what I needed?
Highly sensitive people are skilled at tracking meaning. They sense when something feels true, and also when it feels hollow. So the fear isn't just about asking—it's about getting what you asked for and then realizing it was a mismatch. Or worse… that it had unintended consequences.
Why Sensitivity Needs Quiet
Here's the thing: sensitive people are built to tune in to subtle, sacred truths. Whether you call it your capital-S Self, Source, God, Universe, or just inner knowing—we're equipped to hear it.
But only if we have enough quiet.
And let’s be real… the world isn’t quiet.
It’s not just external noise. It’s cultural noise—telling us what to want, who to be, how to live. And in that cacophony, even the clearest intuition can get muffled. So when HSPs try to ask, “What do I want?” they’re often overwhelmed by the sheer volume of conflicting messages.
Right Brain, Real Time
I’ve been especially drawn to the work of Bianca Acevedo and Martha Beck, who talk about how HSPs tend to process through the right hemisphere of the brain. That’s the side responsible for intuition, art, empathy, and presence. It’s non-linear. It doesn’t speak in bullet points.
Which means the deeper truths about what we want don’t always arrive in words. They arrive in feelings. Sensations. A quiet knowing.
So instead of asking “What does my Self want forever and always?”
Maybe ask:
“What does my true self want right now?”
That’s something your right brain can work with.
It’s Not About the Thing. It’s About the Feeling.
So much of culture wants us to answer desire with stuff. Jobs, goals, dollars, labels. But for highly sensitive people, the question isn’t “What do I want to have?” It’s “What do I want to feel?”
I might say I want a million dollars. But what I really want is relief.
I want to feel free.
I want ease.
And yes, money might help facilitate that. But the deeper truth lives in the feeling, not the object.
So I ask myself:
What would give me more peace right now?
What would help me feel more ease today?
Because if I can meet the needs of my present, right-brain, capital-S Self… I’ll be better equipped to make left-brain decisions—about work, relationships, even where to live.
Sensitivity Is Precision
That’s the hidden truth:
Sensitivity isn’t weakness. It’s precision.
It’s the ability to hear what others can’t. But only if we get quiet enough.
And if I get still and listen deeply, I might realize…
I already have everything I need.
Over to You
I'd love to hear from you:
What makes it hard for you to ask for what you want?
What do you think you want—and what do you actually want to feel?
What happens when you let yourself get quiet?
And if you want the extended audio version of this exploration (it goes even deeper), I recorded a full-length podcast episode on this topic. [Click here to listen].
Talk soon,
—Leah
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